Destressing with Yoga
One of the things I look forward to most during the work week is yoga. Work is stressful - thinking about money is stressful. Life is stressful. But I can always breathe away the tensions of the day by walking into that sanctuary that is my favorite yoga studio.
I have my preferred teachers at the studio, one of which teaches a 5:30 class. I race out of work at 5:00 on the days she teaches so I can JUST make it to the studio in time. It's a level one. Easy. I just want to destress. I don't need anything fancy.
Imagine my disappointment this evening when I strolled into the classroom to see ... someone who wasn't (let's call her Becky) Becky. "Where the *!$*% is Becky?" I thought to myself, clearly in need of her class. As I headed over to my spot (because I'm a creature of habit) the substitute, (let's call her Bitchface) ordered, "Don't put your mat there! Put it over here or over there!" I suddenly became aware of the vibe in the room. The vibe screamed, "We already hate this woman." Bitchface wanted us to arrange our mats in a very particular way that was obviously not winning over the love and admiration of everybody.
Bitchface then took 10-12 minutes out of yoga time to have us all introduce ourselves; name, years of yoga experience and if we have any ailments ... "Cara. 10 years and I hate you." There was no way Bitchface was going to memorize all of the 20 names in the class and it was a frustrating waste of time. Nobody is impressed if you know our names. Can we get in downward dog now?
Bitchface also was very yelly. She yelled everything she said and everything sounded like a command or a criticism - and she seemed awfully defensive, too.
This was not relaxing.
In fact, my muscles became increasingly tense throughout the class. Nails on a chalkboard. Bitchface also admonished an elderly man in the class who couldn't hear. "YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SIT IN THE FRONT OF THE ROOM IF YOU CAN'T HEAR." He didn't budge ... because he can't hear. "IF YOU CAN'T HEAR, I CAN'T TEACH YOU." That, he heard - and responded with, "Would you like me to leave?" She finally waved it off dismissively and continued to YELL in a condescending, scolding tone. "COME TO THE FRONT OF THE CLASS EVERYBODY AND WATCH ME PUT MY SHOULDERS ON MY BACK! COME HERE AND WATCH ME!!! ... IF YOU CAN'T SEE WHAT I'M DOING, I CAN'T TEACH YOU!!" (I expected, "YOU NASTY LITTLE CHILDREN!" to follow).
Boy, I was really missing Becky. Becky speaks to us in soft tones. She helps me to melt away my stress. Just as I was thinking about how much I wanted Becky back - Bitchface appeared over me and manhandled me to get my foot in the place she wanted it. I felt hate. And I'm pretty sure one is not supposed to feel hate in a yoga class.
I started to wonder if I was the only person feeling disgust and thought maybe I misread the vibe I picked up on earlier. But as that thought entered my mind, a woman rolled up her yoga mat, put away her props and left the room in a huff. In all of my 10 years taking yoga - this has never happened.
30 minutes of more abuse went by in what seemed like a mere 2 hours. At the end of the torturing, Bitchface yelled, "THANK YOU ALL FOR STAYING EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT BECKY. I KNOW I'M NOT BECKY. I'M ME AND I CAN'T BE BECKY." You're tellin' me, sister.
I can honestly say that Bitchface was the absolute worst yoga instructor I've ever had - and that includes the drunk dude who did a handstand and fell over on top of me.
Come back, Becky.
I have my preferred teachers at the studio, one of which teaches a 5:30 class. I race out of work at 5:00 on the days she teaches so I can JUST make it to the studio in time. It's a level one. Easy. I just want to destress. I don't need anything fancy.
Imagine my disappointment this evening when I strolled into the classroom to see ... someone who wasn't (let's call her Becky) Becky. "Where the *!$*% is Becky?" I thought to myself, clearly in need of her class. As I headed over to my spot (because I'm a creature of habit) the substitute, (let's call her Bitchface) ordered, "Don't put your mat there! Put it over here or over there!" I suddenly became aware of the vibe in the room. The vibe screamed, "We already hate this woman." Bitchface wanted us to arrange our mats in a very particular way that was obviously not winning over the love and admiration of everybody.
Bitchface then took 10-12 minutes out of yoga time to have us all introduce ourselves; name, years of yoga experience and if we have any ailments ... "Cara. 10 years and I hate you." There was no way Bitchface was going to memorize all of the 20 names in the class and it was a frustrating waste of time. Nobody is impressed if you know our names. Can we get in downward dog now?
Bitchface also was very yelly. She yelled everything she said and everything sounded like a command or a criticism - and she seemed awfully defensive, too.
This was not relaxing.
In fact, my muscles became increasingly tense throughout the class. Nails on a chalkboard. Bitchface also admonished an elderly man in the class who couldn't hear. "YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SIT IN THE FRONT OF THE ROOM IF YOU CAN'T HEAR." He didn't budge ... because he can't hear. "IF YOU CAN'T HEAR, I CAN'T TEACH YOU." That, he heard - and responded with, "Would you like me to leave?" She finally waved it off dismissively and continued to YELL in a condescending, scolding tone. "COME TO THE FRONT OF THE CLASS EVERYBODY AND WATCH ME PUT MY SHOULDERS ON MY BACK! COME HERE AND WATCH ME!!! ... IF YOU CAN'T SEE WHAT I'M DOING, I CAN'T TEACH YOU!!" (I expected, "YOU NASTY LITTLE CHILDREN!" to follow).
Boy, I was really missing Becky. Becky speaks to us in soft tones. She helps me to melt away my stress. Just as I was thinking about how much I wanted Becky back - Bitchface appeared over me and manhandled me to get my foot in the place she wanted it. I felt hate. And I'm pretty sure one is not supposed to feel hate in a yoga class.
I started to wonder if I was the only person feeling disgust and thought maybe I misread the vibe I picked up on earlier. But as that thought entered my mind, a woman rolled up her yoga mat, put away her props and left the room in a huff. In all of my 10 years taking yoga - this has never happened.
30 minutes of more abuse went by in what seemed like a mere 2 hours. At the end of the torturing, Bitchface yelled, "THANK YOU ALL FOR STAYING EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT BECKY. I KNOW I'M NOT BECKY. I'M ME AND I CAN'T BE BECKY." You're tellin' me, sister.
I can honestly say that Bitchface was the absolute worst yoga instructor I've ever had - and that includes the drunk dude who did a handstand and fell over on top of me.
Come back, Becky.
posted by CaraW @ 8:39 PM
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